This may be very emotion for some readers.
Chapter Two
“So, how was your hot date?” Brady flopped down into the chair next to me as I picked at my chicken tenders. The cafeteria was buzzing with typical high school drama, and my mind wandered back to Collin’s frightening behavior on Friday night. Well, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be telling Brady about that. He’s not too fond of Collin as it is. A few tables away, a group of cheerleaders glared at me. Brady followed my gaze. “Looks like Collin’s ex wants to be your friend.”
“Yeah, I’m sure she does,” I snorted. “My date was okay.”
“Just okay?” He threw his arm around me. “C’mon, give me more details. There must have been some good old-fashioned snogging.” I laughed as he puckered up his lips and made loud kissy sounds at me.
“You’re so weird,” I giggled, pushing him away. Suddenly, there was a large hand on his shoulder. We both looked up and saw a very angry Collin.
“I suggest you keep your hands off of her,” he snarled. Brady held his hands up in surrender.
“Hey, bro, cool it,” Brady said. “We’re just goofing around.”
“Collin, this is my best friend, Brady,” I intervened. “We’re just friends. Don’t be so uptight.” He turned to glare at me as well, but I stared him down. I refused to be intimidated. Collin held my gaze for a moment before his expression softened.
“Sorry, babe,” he apologized sheepishly, swooping down to kiss me. “Strike two, right?” I laughed.
“Strike two. Another one and you’re out.” I punched him playfully on the arm. He tousled my hair and kissed my cheek.
“I’ll pick you up after school.” He turned to Brady. “No hard feelings, right?” He slapped him on the back and loped off. Brady turned to me, a confrontational look in his eyes.
“What the fuck was that about?” he demanded fiercely. I looked down at my chicken, wishing I could tell him about Friday but knowing I couldn’t.
“It’s nothing,” I muttered. “He’s just sensitive. That’s all.” Brady gaped at me.
“Sensitive?” he repeated. “Are you serious right now?? Heaven, that is not simple sensitivity!” I refused to meet his gaze. “You’ve only been with him for three days and he’s already acting like a possessive jerk.”
“It’s nothing,” I snapped. I immediately felt bad. “Look, I’m sorry. I just think you may be…overreacting a little.”
“That may be so,” Brady agreed, “But I’m worried. Just be careful.” He paused and reached out to touch my hand. “I have a bad feeling about him. Just promise me you’ll be careful? I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“I promise,” I said, and then the bell rang and he vanished into the crowd.
I wandered from class to class in a daze. I could barely concentrate at all with my head whirling around in endless circles. I really liked Collin. Most of the time he was sweet and funny. He called me every night over the weekend to say goodnight, and on Sunday night he showed up at my house with a bouquet of roses, and well, that was really sweet. But then there was that dark side. The jealous side that darkened his face and brought anger to his eyes. He seemed like someone who liked to be in control, and he seemed possessive, like Brady said. And it was a scary thought, but I knew I could be getting myself into something that would be hard to get out of. I didn’t know how to avoid it. He seemed to have some vendetta against Brady, but I wasn’t about to ditch my best friend. Collin would just have to learn to like him.
The final bell rang and I hurried out of the building. Collin was bringing me to meet his parents today. The thought was very intimidating. His father was probably very strict and his mother was probably a devout catholic. I probably would look like some demon child to them.
Collin pulled up to the curb and I hopped in the car.
“Nervous?” he asked.
“A little,” I admitted. I was more worried about pushing his invisible buttons again.
“Don’t be.” He took my hand and kissed it. We pulled into the driveway. Surprisingly, his house was average. I felt a lot more at ease knowing he didn’t live in a gargantuan mansion like I assumed he did. Collin put his arm around my waist and led me inside. The door opened to an open dining-kitchen area. To the far left of the dining room there was a staircase that led upstairs. That’s where he was pulling me.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Up to my room,” he replied. “I wanna show you my guitar.”
“You play guitar?” I was impressed.
“I’m just a beginner,” He said, pulling me into his room. It looked like what I assumed most teenage boys’ room looked like: messy. Laundry was scattered on the floor and football trophies littered the shelves. A Gibson acoustic guitar leaned against the wall by the window.
“She’s beautiful,” I gasped, stepping towards it. “It is a she, right?” Collin laughed and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards him. He wrapped his arms around my waist.
“Yes, it’s a she. And she is beautiful.” He paused. “But you’re more beautiful,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss me. My arms wound tightly around his neck as he deepened the kiss. His body was hard and masculine against mine. He pushed me down onto the bed, kissing down my neck. His lips brushed my collar bone. I shuddered.
“You like that,” he whispered huskily. “Let’s see if you like this.” His hand travelled over my chest, down my stomach, and slipped up my skirt and between my legs.
“No, thanks,” I said with a laugh, pushing his hand away. He continued to kiss my neck as his hand returned up my skirt.
“Collin, quit it,” I demanded, trying to squirm away. He kept me in place.
“It’s fine, babe, you’ll like this,” he replied, tugging my underwear off.
“Collin, stop,” I shouted, hoping his parents would hear and come upstairs.
That’s when he hit me.
His hand struck my cheek like a viper, stinging the soft flesh. Before I could react, he pinned me down. I tried to scream, but he covered my mouth. I hit him continuously on the back, but it had no effect on him. His back was solid muscle. He took both my wrists in his hand while he unzipped his pants. I took the opportunity to scream bloody murder and thrash around as much as I could. Where were his parents?? He hit me again.
“Shut up, you little bitch!” I whimpered and sobbed and tried to scream again, but his hand covered my mouth as he slid into me. I tried to close my legs and push him out, but he was too strong. He pushed hard into me, tearing the flesh that made me innocent. I thrashed around, screaming and sobbing into his hand. Where were his parents, I thought, giving up the fight. Why didn’t they come?
His breath was hot and frantic on my neck as he pushed against me. I just laid there, numb, until he pulled out and I felt hot liquid spray across my belly. He reached to stroke my face, but I turned away and curled into a ball. I sobbed quietly while he fixed himself.
“Babe,” he said, reaching for me. I stiffened at his touch. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…you wanted it!” He was angry again. I cringed away from him.
“I want to go home now,” I whispered, so softly I wasn’t sure he’d hear me. I wiped my eyes and picked up my bag. I stood and remembered my underwear when I felt blood trickling down my leg. I pulled them on. “Please take me home.”
Collin sighed and after a moment headed down the stairs. Like the first date, the ride was silent. I stared blankly out the window. When he pulled up in front of my house, he leaned towards me for a kiss. I flinched away. His expression darkened again.
“Get out,” he snarled. I hurried out of the car and bolted inside. i locked the door behind me and hears the tires squeal as he sped down the street. No one was home, to my relief. I climbed up the stairs and curled up on my bedroom floor.
What just happened to me, I asked myself. I could feel the emotions raging. The anger. The hate. The betrayal. The disgust. The pain. He took what wasn’t his. I could have fought harder. I could have stopped him. But I didn’t. I was too weak. Too pathetic. Pathetic.
Pathetic.
I walked over to my mirror and stared into my own eyes. Mascara dripped down my face, staining the white canvas with black misery. An angry black and purple bruise was beginning to form on the left side of my face, my eye squinting at me, asking me why this happened.
I looked on my bed and saw my sewing scissors. I grabbed them and sat on my bed. I had heard of girls doing this but I never understood why. It was foreign and crazy to me. Now I understood. It seemed right. I opened the blades. I was the only way I could rid myself of these emotions. The blade pierced my skin and blood welled in a thick red like as I drew the blade up my arm.
To ride the anger. Cut.
The hate. Cut.
The betrayal. Cut.
The pain. Cut.
I sliced into my skin until I could feel no pain and the blood dripped onto the floor. I cut and cut and cut until the numbness overpowered me the way Collin had.
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