Chapter Five
I woke up holding Brady’s hand. You’d think that in the night you relax. I guess I didn’t. My sleep was haunted by nightmares that turned into terrors when I imagined Collin at the window. The comfort in knowing I was safe and sound with Brady there must have lulled me back to sleep. I watched him for a moment. His hair was tossed over his face, blowing with his breath. Even in his sleep he looked scared and worried. As terrible as it sounded, it provided me comfort knowing how much he cared about me.
I tossed the covers aside and nudged Brady with my toe. He stirred.
“Brady, we have to go to school.” Just the thought terrified me. I wanted to tell my mother what was happening, what happened to me. I wanted to tell her that I was a ghost and I was searching for my body and it just couldn’t be found. I wanted her to pull me out of school and tutor me. I wanted her to say that college can wait, that my life can be paused so I can pull myself together. Lies were what I needed right now.
Brady was slowly waking up. I guess I never thought he wasn’t a morning person. I guess little details like that eluded me until now, where every little detail about a man was subject to my immediate scrutiny.
“I’m going to go take a shower,” I said shyly. “You should probably sneak out the window so my mom doesn’t flip.” Brady stood.
“Are you okay?” I looked down at my feet. Should I lie? Or should I tell him that I know what it feels like to lose your soul? Should I tell him that it feels like being ripped apart from the inside out, until only your scars are left behind?
“I guess so…” was all I could manage. Brady put his arms around me. I kept mine at my sides, hoping he understood. He kissed my forehead and told me he’d see me soon. I watched him slip out the window, remembering how stealthy Collin was just eighteen- and- a- half hours ago. I shuffled into the bathroom. I faced the mirror and began to undress. I was afraid of what I would see, but for some reason I felt I had to. As the steam fogged up the mirror, I examined the angry red slashes that extended from the crook of my left arm down to my wrist. Both my wrists were a violent mixture of bruises and blood as I peeled off the gauze Brady had wrapped around them. My face was slightly bruised again from when Collin had slapped me. My ankles had bracelets of burn marks that mirrored the ones on my wrists. My eyes were empty. I couldn’t find myself anywhere in this reflection. I was a stranger to myself.
I stood in the shower and let the scalding hot water pour over my body. I imagined that I was being purified, that everything Collin left me was being washed down the drain. As I scrubbed my skin, a sudden thought hit me and I dropped my pouf in a panic.
Collin hadn’t used a condom.
I didn’t want to go to lunch. I didn’t have the energy to face whatever events may occur. I already used a crapload lying to my mother again. I was afraid that she was going to dig the truth out of me and be angry that I didn’t tell the truth. I didn’t want to fear anything else, but I knew he was going to be there. I knew he was going to approach me. I knew I would freeze up and sit in petrified silence.
Turns out, that’s not what happened at all.
He approached, as I knew he would. He put his arms over my shoulders and leaned down, kissing my neck. I froze and swallowed my vomit. I was expecting this, and yet my body was still in shock. What I wasn’t expecting was Brady. He was down at the other end of the cafeteria, getting a fork for his macaroni.
And suddenly he was right there.
“You fucking piece of shit!” he bellowed, sprinting up to our table. He grabbed Collin by his collar and started beating the crap out of him. Collin threw him down on the table and smashed Brady’s head on the tabletop. Kids were running out of the way and standing in a circle around the fight. Some kids were running for help. All I could hear was the sound of fist hitting flesh.
Brady was winning so far. He had Collin on the ground and was repeatedly punching him to emphasize what he was saying.
“Don’t—ever—fucking—touch—her—again!”
“STOP!” I screamed, pulling at my hair. “Stop fighting!” I jumped into the fight and tried to pull Brady off of Collin.
“WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?” Principal Ward’s booming voice made time stand still. I backed away. Everyone froze where they were, except for Collin and Brady, who were still engaged in a brutal fistfight with absolutely no signs of easing up. Two hall monitors and the principal fought with Brady to pull him off of Collin. Brady had a split lip and a shallow gnash in the back of his head from when Collin slammed him against the table. I could see a shiner forming, on that kind of looked like mine. Collin was in far worse shape. His whole face was swelling from the bruises and his lip was split in three places. It was fair to say that Brady won this one.
“That bastard deserved it,” Brady said in disgust.
“I don’t care,” Ward replied. “In my office. Now.” I stared in shock as the two hall monitors roughly grabbed onto Brady’s shirt collar and practically dragged him out of the cafeteria. I watched in in disgust as students gathered around Collin, helping him up and asking if he was okay. If he was okay. No one acknowledged me there, battered and bruised. No one acknowledged the words that had come out of Brady’s mouth. Everyone surrounded this popular football prodigy and murmured words of comfort.
“Fucking psycho,” Collin growled, looking over his shoulder at me. His glare was fire and ice, burning through to my blood and freezing my veins. I would pay for this later, I knew it. He was going to give me hell. His eyes burned through me, and I knew exactly what they said. I’ll get you, bitch.
I grabbed my bag and bolted out of the room, making a beeline for the principal’s office. I ignored the protests from his secretary and burst into his office.
“Principal Ward!” I shouted. He looked up in surprise. Brady turned around and stared.
“Ms. Roberts, I’m a little busy at the moment. Whatever it is, I’m sure it can wait--”.
“No, sir,” I interrupted, “It can’t.” The principal raised his eyebrows at me. “Please.” He gestured for me to sit down. I sat. Brady took my hand and squeezed it. He looked at me as if to say, you don’t have to do this. I knew I had to.
“Look,” I began in a shaky voice. My hands were trembling. Brady squeezed them in comfort. “Brady had every right to do what he did. I know Collin is my…boyfriend. Or he was, anyway.” I took a deep breath. Shit this was hard. “You see, I need to end my relationship with him. I should have ended it before it began. Collin…well he isn’t who you think he is, Mr. Ward. You see this bruise?” Immediately his eyes darted to my left eye. Concern flashed across his face. “He gave this to me.” Mr. Ward gasped. “He gave me one last week, too. The first time he raped me.” And when that sentence escaped my lips, it was like vomit. I keeled over, sobbing over the word, unable to contain the emotion tearing through my skin. Brady wrapped his arms tight around me while I forced myself to breathe.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Brady whispered in my ear.
“Yes I did, “ I hissed back. I stood up straight again and stared Mr. Ward down.
“Have you gone to the police?” He looked like he couldn’t tell if he was shocked, concerned, or both.
“No.” He opened his mouth to protest. “And I don’t intend to,” I said, interrupting whatever he was about to say. “I just don’t want Brady to get in trouble. He was just trying to protect me. I don’t want him to get in trouble for that.” I took Brady’s hand and walked out of the office.
“Hey,” he said, stopping and turning to hug me. “Thank you. You didn’t have to that.”
“Yeah, I did. Stop saying I didn’t. It’s the least I can do.” After all, I thought to myself, what else could I do? He was risking everything he could to keep me safe. The least I could do was protect him from the consequences. I already knew that we would end up sharing bruises in this fight against my demon.
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